You Know You are From California If...

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you’re from California if:

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
You make over $400,000 and still can’t afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?
You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?
A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?

14 It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
HEY! Is pot illegal?
Both you AND your dog have therapists.
The Terminator is your governor.
If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license. If you’re here illegally, they want to give you one.

Politics Jokes

Comments

Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812?

A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.

#Politics Jokes

At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!" - applause. "O!" - more applause. "O!" - yet more applause. "O!" - an ovation. "O!!!" - the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, that’s the Olympic rings, you don’t need to read it!"

#Politics Jokes

When Yeltsin resigned from the Communist Party at the 28th Party Congress, people used to say that "Yeltsin is out of mind,… honour, and conscience of our epoch". (A hint at a widespread propaganda slogan: "Party is Mind, Honour and Conscience of our Epoch")

#Politics Jokes

When is a pencil not a pencil? When it’s on a Pentagon shopping list - then it’s a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.

#Politics Jokes

It is amazing how politicians can fit all their good points in a 30 second TV commercial.

#Politics Jokes

The European union has decided the only way to avoid Greece defaulting on its debts is to replace the government and civil service with 300 Spartans !

#Politics Jokes

"The fact that the GDR considers itself as one of the 5 technologically most advanced power of the nations may be be given to the fact that there are only 5 fingers on a hand. " University lecture in Hungary in the 70s

#Politics Jokes

Dubya Quotes

"If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure."

…George W. Bush

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

…Governor George W. Bush

"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

…Governor George W. Bush

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit…Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

…Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century."

…Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change."

…Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’."

…Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

…Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

…Governor George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."

…Governor George W. Bush

"We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world."

…Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

…Governor George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made."

…Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

…Governor George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy."

…Governor George W. Bush to reporters

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

…Governor George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

…Governor George W. Bush

"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."

…George W. Bush

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

…Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

…Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

…Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

…Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."

…Governor George W. Bush

"We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

…Governor George W. Bush

"It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

…Governor George W. Bush

"[It’s] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

…Governor George W. Bush

#Politics Jokes

Comments

Related Jokes