College Jokes

How do you get a Texas Tech seniors eyes to sparkle?

Shine a flashlight in his ears.

What is a Furman freshman doing when he grasps at thin air?

Collecting his thoughts.

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

Why did the Oregon State psychology major climb up the chain link fence?

To see what was on the other side.

Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldnt remember whether he was going in or coming out?

Did you hear about the UCLA track star who won a gold medal?

He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.

How do you measure a Villanova graduates I.Q.?

With a tire gauge.

How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&Ms.;

And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?

tudent: When you cant get your jeans over your thighs.

How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three hours credit.

Teenage Driver: But, officer, Im a college man.

Policeman: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse.

What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

“Now my motto in life,” said the school chaplain, “is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet? ““My motto is let bygones be bygones.““Thats good. Why did you choose that? ““Then I wouldnt have to take any history classes!”

How do you know a Brigham Young students been mowing the lawn?

The welcome mat is destroyed.

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this? " asked one student indignantly.“Whats it taste like? " asked the cook.““Glue!““Then its apple pie the plum pie tastes like soap.”

Q: What do college students and deer have in common?

A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape?

A retarded ape.

A college friend was going to meet a young lady he new.“An old flame? I asked.He winked and said, “More like an unlit match.”

Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where hed seen himself before?

“Did you hear? Laments gettin a Ph.D.”

“What does Ph.D. stand for? "

“in his case, Pin-headed Dope.”

Did you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?

Why dont Purdue athletes eat pickles?

They cant get their heads in the jar.

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: Thats great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says: The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now? ““Well, lets see,” replied the student. “Its Wednesday afternoon. I guess Ill be on the golf course by now.”

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?

“Nowledge.”

“Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls? " “Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.”

Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!

Wife: Didnt you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes, but I thought it was mine!