Children Jokes

One day in Sunday school, the teacher was talking about Jesus is to the kids, “Bobby, where is Jesus? " asked the teacher. “Jesus is in heaven.” replied Bobby. “Very good!", said the teacher. The teacher then asked a little girl,” Where is Jesus, Emily? “. Emily said innocently, “Jesus is in my heart!". The teacher beamed at little Emily and said, “How very sweet!!!". The teacher now asked Timmy, “Timmy, where is Jesus? “. “Jesus is in my bathroom.” he said assuredly. “Please elaborate, Timmy.", the teacher said. Timmy then replied, “Well, every morning my dad gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells. Jesus Christ, are you still in there!!!”

A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. “Hey kid,” he shouted. “Why dont you go outside and play? "

Fred: Where does the new kid come from?

Harry: Alaska.

Fred: Dont bother - Ill ask her myself.

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? " she asked. “Theyre mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy? " she asked. “Thats a daddy long legs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a mommy long legs? " the little girl asked. “No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy long legs.” The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. “Well, were not having any of THAT in our garden.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.“Mommy, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear? " his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boys voice he answered: “Its Adams clothes!!!!!”

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the childs shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man? " The boy replies, “Now we run!”

On a special teachers day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florists son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, “I bet I know what it is - flowers!““Thats right!” said the boy, “but how did you know? ““Just a wild guess,” she said.The next pupil was the candy store owners daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!““Thats right! But how did you know? " asked the girl.“Just a lucky guess,” said the teacher.The next gift was from the liquor store owners son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine? " she asked.“No,” the boy replied.The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. “Is it champagne? " she asked.“No,” the boy replied.The teacher then said, “I give up, what is it? " The boy replied, “A puppy!”

Why was the lightning bug unhappy?

Because her children were not very bright.

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!”

The cop asked, “What’s he like? "

The little boy replied, “Beer and women with big boobs.”

Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf, which was great for the children in her class. “What Mrs Smith needs,” said one of her colleagues, “is a herring-aid.”

Boy: Grandma, do you know how to croak.

Grandma: No, I dont think so. Why?

Boy: Because Daddy says hell be a rich man when you do.

Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps? Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.

“What were you before you came to school, boys and girls? " asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say “babies.” She was disappointed when all the children cried out, “Happy!”

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lords prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. “Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, “but deliver us some E-mail, Amen.”

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits? " As the shopkeepers heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that hes on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there? " She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, “I dont fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”

I had a funny dream last night, Mom. Did you? I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick. Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. “I cant find it,” he admitted. The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said “yes” and goes on his way. Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, “I cant find it.” Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return r and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, “Well, did you find it? " Tommy is quick with his reply, “Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards.”

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “Im Mr. Sugarbrowns daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,“Im Janey Sugarbrown.” The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,“Arent you Mr. Sugarbrowns daughter? " With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, “I thought I was, but Mommy says Im not.”

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the brides side and the grooms side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle.As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, “I was being the ring bear.”

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnnys mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”, she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. “O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt. “Now take off my bra”, which he does. “And now, Johnny, please take off my panties”. Johnny finishes removing these too. His mother then says, “Johnny, please dont wear any of my clothes to school anymore!”

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke to the instrument: “Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order? "

Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?

Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.