Bus Jokes

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. Theres no room, they said. Its full up! But you must let me on! shouted the man. Why, whats so special about you? they asked. Im the driver, replied the man.

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Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.

Witch: Well, I wont stand in your way.

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Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.

Witch: Well, I wont stand in your way.

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What did the bus conductor say to the frog?

Hop on.

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What do monsters play when they are in the bus?

Squash.

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Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didnt hurt yourself?

Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

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How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?

Throw it under a bus.

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What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?

Dead.

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What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk?

I dont know but it could always get a seat on a bus!

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Why didnt anyone take the school bus to school?

I wouldnt fit through the door.

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Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front.

Conductor: Theres an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we dont sell them!

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Conductor, this bus was very slow!

Oh, I expect well pick up speed now youre getting off!

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Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today?

No. Is there a strike? No, theyre stopping to let the passengers off.

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Q: What is a bus ?

A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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Why did the bat miss the bus?

Because he hung around for too long.

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Why did the bus stop?

Because it saw the zebra crossing.

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A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the mans supper and began whining and jumping up at him. “Do you mind if I throw him a bit? " said the man to the lady. “Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.

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Bus passenger: Id like a ticket to New York, please.

Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, Im in the bus queue, arent I?

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Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, “If you were a gentleman, young man, youd stand up and let someone else sit down.” “And if you were a lady,” replied Roger, “youd stand up and let four people sit down.”

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Sam left work after a tiring day. Take the bus home, suggested a friend. My mother would only make me take it back, Sam said.

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Teacher: Tommy Russell, youre late again.

Tommy: Sorry, sir. Its my bus - its always coming late.

Teacher: Well, if its late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.

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Why couldnt the skeleton pay his bus fare?

Because he was skint.

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Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part?

Passenger: All of me, of course!

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Whats the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.

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As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, What on earth did you do that for? I wanted to know if there was room on top, replied the man.

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How do eels get around the seabed?

They go by octobus.

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When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?

I prefer to ride on top, but its very hard getting the horse up the stairs.

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What have I got in my hands?

A double decker bus! You looked!

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