Bicycle Jokes

A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. “Where did you get the bike from? " his friends want to know. “Its a `thank you present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl Ive been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird…” “Tell us!” “Well”, he starts, “yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when I had let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed, smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!” One of his friends remarks: “You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle.” “Yeah”, another friend adds, “just imagine how silly you would have looked in a girls clothes - and they wouldnt have fit you anyway!”

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Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!

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Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb? A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

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When is a bicycle not a bicycle? When it turns into a driveway.

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The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -“Geez, are you lucky.” The cyclist says. -“What do you mean by lucky ? " The pedestrian angrily asks. “I got hurt really bad.” -“Ah, youre lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus.”

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The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard. “Dont you know how to ride that yet? " he roared. “Oh yes!” shouted Brad over his shoulder. “Its the bell I cant work yet.

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Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes ? Sir Francis Brake !

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Why couldnt the bicycle stand up for itself? Because it was two-tyred.

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Whats the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle? The road.

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Our bank manager cant ride a bike any more. Why not? He lost his balance.

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Why cant a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it is two-tired (too tired).

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What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed with him? Because he didnt want to walk in his sleep.

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What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ? Bike carbonate of soda !

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A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, Dont you know how to ride a bike? Yes, he answered, but I dont know how to ring the bell yet

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What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ? Petal !

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Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy? A penny-farthing.

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Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting peoples arms off? It was a vicious cycle.

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What did the bicycle call its dad? Pop-cycle

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What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose ? Bicycle petals !

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While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “Whats in the bags? “, asked the guard.“Sand,” said the cyclist.“Get them off - well take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. “Say friend, you sure had us crazy”, said the guard. “We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I wont say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling? " “Bicycles!”

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Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill, but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said: I didnt think wed make it! Jill replied, Nor did I - what a good thing I kept the brakes on, or wed have slid all the way back down!

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Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals. Juliet: Really? Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.

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Why cant an elephant ride a bicycle? Because he doesnt have a thumb to ring the bell.

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“Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes,” said the gym teacher. “Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.” “Im freewheeling, sir.”

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I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday. Farcical?

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Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands? A: Because theyre two-tired.

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What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.

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