Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks.
#Bed Jokes
I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade.
I dont think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when Im wide awake, and gets me up when Im sleepy!
Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace? Because she wanted to sleep like a log.
What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas!
What should you do if you find a witch in your bed? Run!
What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa.
Doctor, doctor, Im having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe its your bed. Oh, Im all right at night, its in the day I have problems.
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. Hello, Jenny, said the neighbour. Isnt it time for little girls to be in bed? How would I know? asked Jenny. I havent got any little girls.
Father: Why did you put a toad in your sisters bed? Son: I couldnt find a spider.
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling !
The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.
Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed.
Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. “Ive just bought a pig,” said the first. “But where will you keep it? " said the second. “Your yards much too small for a pig!” “Im going to keep it under my bed,” replied his friend. “But what about the smell? " “Hell soon get used to that.”
How can you shorten a bed? Dont sleep long in it.
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.
A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. “Whats wrong? " asked his mother. “Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? " he sobbed. “In a way they do,” said his mother. “And when they die so they turn back to dust? " “Yes, they do.” The little boy began to cry again. “Well, under my bed theres someone either coming or going.”
What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.
Witch: Doctor, doctor, I dont feel well. Doctor: Dont worry, youll just have to go to bed for a spell.
When Mr Maxwells wife left him, he couldnt sleep. Why was that? She had taken the bed.
Who stole the sheets from the bed? Bed buglars.
Why did the composer spend all his time in bed? He wrote sheet music.
Id love you to stay the night, but Im afraid youll have to make your own bed. Oh, thats all right, I dont mind at all.Right. Heres a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The woods in the garage. I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I? A bed
Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. Theres lots of room now, he said.
What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool.
Why do people go to bed? Because the bed wont come to them.
You cant have any more chocolates tonight. Its not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach. Oh, Mum. I promise Ill lay on my side.
Id like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.
