Apple Jokes

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around the penis an on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, “How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?”

The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?”

“Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

“Wow, you’ve grown to 12 inches??”

“No…it’s turned black.

Posted in Sex jokes

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School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this ? " asked one schoolboy indignantly.“Whats it taste of ? " asked the cook. “Glue!” “Then its apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”

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The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

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First apple: You look down in the dumps. Whats eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.

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What did the apple say to the apple pie? “Youve got some crust.”

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What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !

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What kind of apple isnt an apple? A pineapple.

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Why dont apples smile when you go bobbing ? Because theyre crab apples !

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If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.

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How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

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What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.

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How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

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What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!

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What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !

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Whats the difference between a worm and an apple ? Have you ever tried worm pie ? !

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Why did Eve want to move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !

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How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.

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The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. “Youve got to help me! Theres a giant gray thing in my yard, and its pulling apples off the tree with its tail!” “Whats he doing with the apples? " the sergeant asked. “If I told you,” the woman cried, “you wouldnt believe me!”

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What is the left side of an apple? The part that you dont eat.

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Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, “Watch out for worms wont you!” The first one replied, “Why should I? They can watch out for themselves.”

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What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said, An Ape-lle for the teacher!

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What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

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What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !

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What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !

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Why didnt the two worms go into Noahs ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !

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Fred came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? " “Thats what they say,” said his Dad. “Well, give me an apple quick ? Ive just broken the doctors window!”

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