Animal Jokes

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.The second hiker says, “What are you doing? “The first responds, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, well have to jump down and make a run for it.“The second says, “Are you crazy? Dont you know you cant outrun a bear? The first guy says, “I dont have to outrun the bear… I only have to outrun you!”

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Theres a guy whos hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time hes brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldnt reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

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A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vets diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. “There” says the vet,” Your hamster is dead”. Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking its head. “Its definitely dead sir”, says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. “That will be L1000, please”. “A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead” fumes the man. “Well”, says the vet, “Theres my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan”.

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What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !

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What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !

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What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !

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What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium? An aard-shark!

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What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller!

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What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !

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What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !

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Whats yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown ? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bears forgotten cousin !

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Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? Ronald MacAardvark!

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Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !

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What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !

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What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !

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How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready, teddy, go !

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What is a bears favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

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How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !

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What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !

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Whats a teddy bears favourite pasta ? Tagliateddy !

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Why do bears have fur coats ? Because theyd look stupid in anoraks !

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Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !

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Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother pandad to its every whim !

#Animal Jokes