Accountant Jokes

Whats the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled The Worlds Top Accountants - Nude!.

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What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.

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What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.

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Whats an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he is talking to you instead of his own.

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Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.

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What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

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How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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Whats an accountants idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Whats an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.

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Whats the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

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Whats the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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Whats the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesnt have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

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Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

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What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? Its 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait……

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people dont? Depreciation.

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What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level

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A patient was at her doctors office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.“The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do? " The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer? " asked the patient. “No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just cant get to sleep at night.““Have you tried counting sheep? ““Thats the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

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Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party:"…….and ninthly…”

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How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

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The accountants prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time.

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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number twos hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this? " to which accountant number one replies, “its that $50 I owe you.”

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Why do accountants make good lovers? Theyre great with figures.

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