Political jokes( Page: 1 of 10 )
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating? '
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them? '
'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'
'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them? '
'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the crap out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the crap out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an ***hole and a briefcase.
West Virginia lawmakers will debate a bill which bans Barbie doll sales in the state. The bill claims the doll gives little girls unrealistic expectations. Barbie owns a Dream House and a Corvette, and that only happens when Republicans control Congress.
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.
Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart. So do Republicans, but they dont admit it.
Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids. Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays. Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at *other* peoples lights.
Democrats favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street." Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Its a Wonderful Life." Right-Wing Republicans favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."
Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping. Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.
Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season. Republicans do too, all year round.
Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards. Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.