Parenting jokes

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07-03-2009
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.The bus driver said: "Thats the ugliest baby Ive ever seen."In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong."The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.The man sympathized and said: "Why, hes a public servant and shouldnt say things to insult passengers.""Youre right," she said. "I think Ill go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.""Thats a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."


07-03-2009
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; dont be upset. It wont be long." He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldnt have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, dont cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then well be checking out." The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, well be through this ch eck out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap." The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldnt help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen..." The mother broke in, "My little girls name is Tammy... Im Ellen."


07-03-2009
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool."Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool." "Oh really?  " said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?  !?  "


07-03-2009
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "Ill bet youre back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dads reply, "Im gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like youve been doing to me all these years."


07-03-2009
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, Im making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I cant stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then youll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I cant stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you dont like factories and wont work in a office. What am I going to do with you?  " "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."


07-03-2009
A small boy is sent to bed by his father...[Five minutes later] "Da-ad..." "What?  " "Im thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?  " "No. You had your chance. Lights out." [Five minutes later] "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?  " "Im THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water?  ?  " "I told you NO! If you ask again Ill have to spank you!!" [Five minutes later] "Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..." "WHAT?  ?  !!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?  "


07-03-2009
Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?  A: I dont know son, Im still paying for it.


07-03-2009
What do young ghosts call their parents?   Deady and Mummy.


07-03-2009
When is a parent like a child?  When hes a miner.


07-03-2009
Whats another name for an parent?  Someone whos stopped growing except around the waist.


Parenting jokes
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