Parenting jokes

( Page: 1 of 7 )

07-03-2009
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family. But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife." One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?  ?  ?  "


07-03-2009
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston.Then she inquired what I did for a living.I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If theres anything you want to know, just ask me."


07-03-2009
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, Ive done all the talking, and Im so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?  "


07-03-2009
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have Eyes of Blue and A Love Supreme?  " she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?  " she inquired. "I dont think so," replied the man, "but its as close as I want to get."


07-03-2009
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?  Father: Ok ask.Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.Father: !!!?  ?  ?  ?  ?  ?  !!!


07-03-2009
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?  "Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"


07-03-2009
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, youre the father of twins.""What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets.""Wow, thats really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply."Dont tell me another coincidence?  " asked the nurse. r After finally regaining his composure, he said, "I dont believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."After hearing this, everybodys attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.The nurse asked, "Sir, are you all right?  ""Yes" says the man, "Im o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store."


07-03-2009
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasnt a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.He said, "The first one was a girl."The mother: "What did you name her?  !?  "Brother: "Denise!"The Mom: "Oh, wow, thats not bad! What about the second one?  "Brother: "The second one was a boy."The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?  "Brother: "Denephew."


07-03-2009
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby."Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldnt have crawled up there in the first place!"


07-03-2009
There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didnt stop sucking his thumb, hed get fat.Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what youve been doing!"


Parenting jokes
Parenting-jokes
FIRST   PREV ( Current Page: 1 of 7 )    NEXT   LAST