Hunting jokes( Page: 1 of 4 )
Two Redneck hunters were dragging their dead deer back toward their pick up truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey," says the lone hunter, "I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the opposite direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the lone hunter left, the two Rednecks decided to give it a try. A little while later one says to the other, "Ya know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yep," the other added, "but we're gittin' further away from the truck..."
Two guys were hunting and got separated. Joe decided to take a dump, and after hanging his butt over a log he soon fell asleep.
Meanwhile, his buddy shot a deer. While dragging it back to his rig, he noticed his buddy asleep on the log. As a prank, he gutted the deer and placed the pile of guts under his friend's butt. After returning to the truck, he, too, was tired and took a nap.
A couple hours later, he awoke to see Joe trundling across the field. "What the hell's wrong with you Joe? Looks like you seen a ghost!"
"Well, I hung my butt over a log to take a dump and while I was a sleep I must have sh*t my guts out. If it wasn't for that greasy stick I would never have gotten 'em back in.
Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic femal deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!? "
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass but you'd better brace yourself.
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should do? " The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence..........then a shot is heard. The redneck's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what ? "
Two Canadian hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home.
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Wheres George? " one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone."Hes about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there cause I figured aint nobody bout to steal him."
Two guys were out hunting, but they werent getting any ducks. "What do you think the problem is? " one man asked his companion. "I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we arent throwing the dog up high enough."
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do? " "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders senta message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give himits hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture towait for the lion.In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion."What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? " asked the chief."Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose? "
Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. "Quick," said the first, "shoot it." "I cant," said the second. "My gun isnt loaded." "Well," said the first," you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesnt."