Aviation jokes

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05-17-2009
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system."Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"


05-17-2009
What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner?  A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. The dog is there to bite the captain if he tries to touch the controls, and the co-pilot is there to feed the dog.


05-17-2009
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?  Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.


05-17-2009
After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot. In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ..."


05-17-2009
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! Ive never seen one that short!"The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! youre right! Thats incredible! Are you sure we can make it?  ""Well we better, were almost out of fuel."So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilots hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking."HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!""Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!"


05-17-2009
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So?   What did you do?  ""I just shut down two engines, kid."


05-17-2009
Little boy to airline pilot: "Youre a pilot?  !?  !?   That must be exciting." Pilot: "Not if I do it right."


05-17-2009
"Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..""OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"


05-17-2009
"Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?  ""Center, make that request on the next frequency...."


05-17-2009
On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apartfrom the noise, a number of overhead lockers dropped open and several items of carry-on luggage were launched down the aisle.After slowing up, the aircraft turned off the runway and turned towards the stand and over the PA came "Good morning ladies gentlemen, this is Captain Smith, welcome to Luton...and if any of you were asleep...I bet youre not now!"


Aviation jokes
Aviation-jokes
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