Gorilla jokes( Page: 1 of 9 )
There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on it own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six an nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.
So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it." Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand.
About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur. Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.
In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind his and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.
The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla! This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."
Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour!
Which is the favourite Gorilla proverb? A fiend in need is a fiend indeed!
Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up? Nutty Marietta!
Which song title makes an Ape heartsick? Gorilla My Dreams!
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
Which two names figure prominently in every Apes diet? Ben/Anna!
Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most? Gorilla Monsoon - he knows the ropes!
Who is the Gorillas favourite playwright? Eugene ONeill - who wrote The Hairy Ape!