Farmer jokes

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11-01-2009
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cows ear. The farmer didnt think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.


11-01-2009
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says."Where can I buy one?  " he is asked.Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says."Ill take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.I cant bring him over today. I dont work on Sunday morrow OK?  "Sure."The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news."I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.The city feller says just give me my money back then."Cant, spent it already!""Well... unload the mule then.""What ya gonna do with him?  ""Raffle him off!""Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!""Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tri cks."One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop."What did ya do with that dead mule?  ""Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit.""Didnt anyone complain?  " "Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"


11-01-2009
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver. "What did you tell the farmer?  " Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaughs driver and Id just killed the pig."


11-01-2009
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.The farmer said, "Thats once."A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.The farmer said, "Thats twice."After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.The farmer didnt say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."The farmer said, "Thats once."


11-01-2009
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?   The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Dont you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?  


11-01-2009
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?   They trod on his corn.


11-01-2009
Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?  He wanted to grow mash potatoes!


11-01-2009
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?   You take me for grunted.


11-01-2009
Q: When is a farmer like a magician?  A: When he turns his cow to pasture.


11-01-2009
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?  A: Because it was always running out of the pen.


Farmer jokes
Farmer-jokes
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