Dog jokes( Page: 1 of 26 )
This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.
The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver.
The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a "Road Hazard, for other drivers!"
"What hazard? ", Asked the man.
"A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it. Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'bitches' name, Sir."
"Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch!"
"Sir, I was referring to the dog!"
" Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer? "
"Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!"
An eight-year-old boy went into a shop and picked out a large box of washing powder. The shopkeeper asked him if he had a lot of washing to do. "Oh, no," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the shopkeeper. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the washing powder to the counter and paid for it.
A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some sweets. The shopkeeper asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said.
The shopkeeper said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the washing powder that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then? "
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
"Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? " a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat," replied the mother.
"What does that mean? " asked the child.
Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young daughter, the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fifi for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Fifi was in heat, and that I had to come talk to you."
Not wanting to have the biological discussion either, the father said, "Bring Fifi over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it. "Okay, now you can go for a walk but keep Fifi on the leash and you can only go around the block once."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. "Where is Fifi? " her father asked.
"She should be here in a minute," advised the daughter. "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."
What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ? A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!
What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies !
What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesnt matter what you call him, he still wont come !
How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ? Melon-collie !
What do you call a black Eskimo dog ? A dusky husky !
What do you call a sheepdogs tail that can tell tall stories ? A shaggy dogs tale !
Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye? Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.