Divorce jokes

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10-25-2009
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained tothe Judge that her husband had left her bed and board.When she had finished, the husbands lawyer rose to his feet andcoolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typingof the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bedbored."


10-25-2009
I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife wont give him adivorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him ahappy man.


10-25-2009
Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for adivorce on the grounds that her husband "beats her." The Judge,wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman."Every damn time your Honor," she sighed, "Every damn time !"


10-25-2009
With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has beenformed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a guy feels like gettingmarried, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on herface and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it.


10-25-2009
A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie?   A Jaguar?   A sable coat?   A diamond necklace?  "She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasnt planning on spending that much."


10-25-2009
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,"Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.""Because," the man says,"I live in a two-story house."The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that?  What is the big deal about a two-story house?  "The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is I have a headache and the other story is Its that time of the month.


10-25-2009
What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?   They are four ways you can lose your house!


10-25-2009
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and aredneck divorce all have in common?   A. Someones going to lose their trailer...


10-25-2009
Miss DeAngelo was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didnt find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the other woman in her husbands life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?  ""Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldnt help it." "Couldnt help it?  " asked the lawyer derisively. "Hows that?  " "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?  ""See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."


10-25-2009
Did you hear about the lawyer whose divorce ended up in a nasty custody fight about a dog?   When the lawyer won, the dog bit him.


Divorce jokes
Divorce-jokes
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