Dirty jokes( Page: 34 of 34 )
Why is air a lot like sex? Because its no big deal unless youre not getting any.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "Im sorry," The girl tells him. "We cant allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, dont worry about it...youve seen one, youve seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this ones eating my POPCORN!!"
Two Marines were sitting around talking one day. The first Marine asked the second Marine, "If they were to drop a bomb right now, what would be the first thing you would do? "The second Marine said, "I would screw the first thing that moved. What would you do? "The first Marine replied, "I would stand very still for half an hour."
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety."Private," the officer said, "Im recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.""Warehouses? " the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"
Whats the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Whats the ultimate rejection? When youre masturbating and your hand falls asleep.