Dirty jokes

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11-28-2009
What not to say during sex.

  • But everybody looks funny naked!
  • You woke me up for that?  
  • Did I mention the video camera?  
  • Do you smell something burning?  
  • (In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
  • Try breathing through your nose.
  • A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
  • Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?  
  • Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?  
  • But whipped cream makes me break out.
  • Your mother's better than you.
  • Say, for the last time, what's your name again?  
  • I haven't done this with an actual human before.
  • So, how much is this gonna cost?  
  • Do you take Visa?  

  • 11-28-2009

    A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says "My name is Daniel and I'm in for murder"

    Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing. The next guy stands up and says "My name is Mike and I'm in for armed robbery" Again, there is a round of approving looks.

    This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands up and says "My name is Luke, but I'm not telling you what I'm in for" The group leader says "Now, come on Luke, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did."

    "Ok then. I'm in for screwing dogs." Everyone is disgusted! They all shout "What?  ?  !! How LOW can you get!"

    "Well...I did manage do to a dachshund one time, but I had to lift her back legs up a little", Luke replies.


    10-25-2009
    Q: What is it that all men have one of; its longer on some men than on others; the Pope doesnt use his; and a man gives it to his wife after theyre married?   A: surname


    10-25-2009
    Did u know that a condom had a serial number?   No, I never had to unroll one that far.


    10-25-2009
    Q . what did the sign on the whore house say?  A: Beat it we are closed


    10-25-2009
    This women had a magic morror from which anything you wanted you got,so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish i had bigger breasts and it happened so then she ran down stairs to show her husband he was so amazed that he ran up stairs and stood infront of the mirror and said i wish my dick could touch the floor and his legs fell off !


    10-25-2009
    Q: IS IT SEXUAL HARASMENT IF YOU GO TO A WOMAN AND TELL HER, HER HAIR SMELLS NICE?  A: WHAT IF THE MAN IS A DWARF?  


    10-25-2009
    A young woman goes to her doctor complaining that the insides of her upper thighs have turned green.The doctor examined her and asked her if by any chance she went out with a Romany.When she said yes the doctor said"Well tell him his ear rings arent real gold!!!"


    10-25-2009
    Did you ever blow bubbles as as child?   Yeh, well hes back in town and wants your new number.


    10-25-2009
    Why is Viagra like Disneyworld?   - You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride


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