Death and funeral jokes

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11-30-2009
There were three morticians trading stories in a bar one night.

The first one says, "What a day I had today. The guy wasn't wearing his seat belt and his head flew into the windshield. Took me all day to make the face look natural."

Not to be outdone, the second mortician says, "You think that's bad?   I had this guy in who got hit by a train while he was riding his bike. Took me TWO days to put all the pieces back together!"

The third mortician just shook his head. "You guys have it easy," he said. "I had this female parachutist whose chute didn't open. She landed on a flagpole and it took me all week just to wipe the smile off her face!"


10-19-2009
What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells?   A dead centipede.


10-19-2009
What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?   One composes and the other decomposes.


10-19-2009
What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies?   A dead cat.


10-19-2009
What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?   Pete.


10-19-2009
Whats a zombies favorite pop song?   Dead sails in the sunset.


10-19-2009
What do you find in a zombies veins?   Dead blood corpuscles.


10-19-2009
Where do ghosts go for their holidays?   The Dead Sea.


10-19-2009
First ghoul: You dont look too well today. Second ghoul: No, Im dead on my feet.


10-19-2009
Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary?   It was a dead end job.


Death and funeral jokes
Death-and-funeral-jokes
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