Criminal jokes

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10-19-2009
Knock KnockWhos there !Burglar !Burglar who ?  Burglars dont knock !


10-19-2009
t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?  ""Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant."Thats no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?  ""Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.


10-19-2009
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander,your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?  " The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?  ""Ya, that vill be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?  " The German replies, "Vhy, ya." The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." The German snapped , "No! We think you are trying to escape!"


10-19-2009
A mafiosos son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mothers room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."


10-19-2009
A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car?  A police officer!


10-19-2009
Did you hear about the calendar thief?  He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!


10-19-2009
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?  Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it?   Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!


10-19-2009
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?  ""Yes," said the parrot.The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot: "Whats your name?  ""Clarence," said the bird."Thats a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?  "The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."


10-18-2009
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you dont want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?  "The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?  "


10-18-2009
A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy, Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith.The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown.The geek passes out. The big guy fans him and brings him too. Why did you pass out he asked?   The geek replies, what did you say your name was?   Turner Brown he replies. Oh God the geek says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".


Criminal jokes
Criminal-jokes
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