Computer jokes

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11-28-2009
West Virginia Virus

You have just got the "West Virginia Virus". As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files from your hard drive, right now, and mail this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Sorry about the cost of stamps...

Thanks fer yer cooperation...

University of West Virginia
Computer Engineering Department


10-11-2009
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."


04-23-2009
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...Oh, wait a minute, he already does.


04-23-2009
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


04-23-2009
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.


04-23-2009
Dear Boss,I hope I havent misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?   I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?  


04-23-2009
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "Id like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."The genie responded, "Gee, I dont know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."


04-23-2009
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?  A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.


04-23-2009
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?  A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.


04-23-2009
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?  A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?  ", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?  ", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?  " and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."


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