Christmas jokes( Page: 1 of 12 )
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" at the church that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. Lots of townsfolk had been pressed into service. The volunteer fire department supplied the wise men and the shepherds. There was no time for a rehearsal so the preacher had told everyone to get their lines from the bible.
Well, Christmas Eve came. The play went great until the the wise men entered. There was a hush as these three came in, wearing their coats and fire hats, dragging a length of hose.
The preacher slapped his forehead and muttered. But there was nothing to do but proceed.
After the play, he rounded on these fellows. "How stupid can you be? " he asked.
After he stormed out, one of the firemen looked at the other and shrugged. "Dangit." he said, "We done jus like he said. We read it in the bible. There it were: And three wise men come from a far.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it? '
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !
Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didnt get wet! Why not? Because it wasnt raining!
What do you get hanging from Father Christmas roof? Tired arms!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast ? Dont feed it !
Why are Father Christmas reindeer like a cricket match? Because theyre both stopped by the rein.
What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? Its Christmas, Eve !
What do you have in December that you dont have in any other month ? The letter "D" !