Blonde jokes( Page: 1 of 33 )
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter Heaven.
The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.
Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.
"Why are you laughing? " God asked. "I didn't tell a joke."
"I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
A blonde woman complained of a purple discharge from her vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. "I followed all the instructions to the letter," she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly."
When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape."
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything? "
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did. He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.
He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM? ? ?
Q: What is a blondes definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde? A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. Where have you been? asked the man. I cant believe you left me down there! I couldnt get the tailgate open!
One day, a blondes neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldnt figure out how to refill the hand dryer!