Biologist jokes

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06-19-2009
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?  "The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world."The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK, HES MOVING!!! "


06-19-2009
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professors desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?  " With that the student threw his test on the professors desk an d walked out the door.The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didnt know every students name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, whats your name?  "The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"


06-19-2009
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one, but it takes eight million years.


06-19-2009
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?  Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.


06-19-2009
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened."You know what a crew boss is?  " he asked. "The one who stands around and watches everyone else work." "Whats that got to do with it?  " they asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," the young biologist explained. "Everyone thought I was the crew boss."


06-19-2009
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry. Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees.The next day they read the headlines in the local paper:Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.


06-19-2009
A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit."Is anything funny going on here"?   he asked."What do you mean by that?  " the pair asked back."I mean, youre not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something youre not supposed to do?  ""Absolutely not!" the Jim replied. " We are strictly co-workers""Oh yes," the Sarah replied, " We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted."Thats right!" Jim replied, "and me in my tent, and she in hers!"The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area.The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit."As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarahs sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!"


06-19-2009
Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied, "As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you hear me now?  


06-19-2009
Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician and she was driving him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and insisted on carrying beauty products in a little field bag - nail polish, hair care products, gels, creams and so on. One day they were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road when a big rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben pulls over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature. His blonde partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the thing!"She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally she races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with its contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves goodbye, hops a few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe ats this strange behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears over the hill.Ben is amazed and asks, "What in the world is in that can?  "The blonde biologists says, " Duh...look at the label"You guessed it.... "Hair Spray .... Immediately revives dead hair and creates a permanent wave"


06-19-2009
A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree. The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. "OK guys, the tree is 14 6." He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other ,"How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width."


Biologist jokes
Biologist-jokes
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