Women jokes

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A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his pelvis, his partner's toes would rise. Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still. Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?  "

"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"

Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?  " Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose.

"Yeah. What's it called?  " "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi?  

What's that mean?  " A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'"

Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?  "

(Written By A Very Wise Man)
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why, I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life is dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger?   ...... I think not

An American woman, a British woman, and an Italian woman were havin lunch. The American woman said, "I told my husband that I wasn't goin to clean the house anymore. If he wanted it clean, he would have to d it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day didn't see anything. Then, on the third day, voila! My husband ha cleaned the whole house!"
The British woman agreed. "I told my husband that I wasn't going to d the laundry anymore. If he wanted it done he would have to do i himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, didn't see anything. Then, on the third day, voila! My husband had done both his and my laundry!"
The Italian woman chimed in, "I told my husband that I wasn't going t cook anymore. If he wanted home cooking he would have to either go b his mother or cook for himself. After the first day, I didn't se anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then, on the third day I began to see a little out of my left eye.

I havent spoken to my wife for 18 months! - I dont like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by up to 90%. - Its called wedding cake.

My wife asked me "Whats on the TV?  " - I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?   - They want to.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted." - The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."

Women jokes
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