Travel and tourist jokes( Page: 1 of 8 )
A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' the USA is in trouble!
The names of the guilty have been edit from this post. 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
his response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ? ''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom? '' I said, 'No, why do you ask? '
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.. 8. A Senator John Kerry aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ? ''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressmanfrom Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on? ''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. A Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes? ''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. A Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.
'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ..''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town? ''
'Yes, what flights do you have? '' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you? ''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.
A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion - your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and anolder gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showingthe glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had agood week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him arare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I wont take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "Andhow did you like your holiday? " he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "Ive come to thank you.But, one th ing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the roomwith? "
There was some mix-up with a womans room. Theclerk (or whatever they are called on ships) wastrying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would youlike an inside cabin or an outside cabin? " Shereplied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today.Id better get an inside cabin."
Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does theship run on generators? " The Cruise Director usuallytells them, "No, we just have a very long power linerunning to the mainland."
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.started to explain the length of the flight and the passportinformation when she interrupted me with "Im not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave? "The guide: "There were, but dont worry, the snakes ate all of them."
The tourist: "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites? "
Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Why did they build the castle so close to the airport? "
A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course theyre curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge.After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well."That couldnt be my goat", the farmer replies, "My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroa d tie!"
Travel and tourist jokes